Breathe
by JCxX
Summary: Also known as "The Five Stages of Grief"- Luigi knows that his best friend is gone but refuses to believe what he's seeing and feeling is true. He knows he's completely alone now , but honestly, he isn't. "T" for language "And I can't Breathe without you but I have to."


**Hey! I'm back with another story for you... **

**This one takes place as an "after" for the following: "Seeking Solace", "The Great Escape", "Frozen Heart" and some of "Hurt". ****I highly recommend**** you go read those ****_before _****this one! **

**Words in Italics are lyrics. **

**Please do. I hate giving spoilers ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Luigi: <strong>

_"I see your face in my mind as I drive away, 'cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way..." _

I walked through the door, not in the mood to speak to anyone. What I didn't realize is Peach is over; it wasn't necessarily the greatest time but it also wasn't the worst. I just got back from our family psychiatric, mainly because I didn't have an option; I had to go. Mainly because Mario made me. He said that I freak out a lot, more than usual and he said he's starting worry. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I haven't had the most pleasant year, dealing with the powers (which I call a curse), I have, and minor things but one thing that really sets me off is the death of my best friend. Socko Martinez was just 26 when he died, I was inaudible for weeks, angry, somewhat depressed, upset, and mostly confused. I had all these emotions and I didn't know how to handle them so, I took it out on myself, in which Mario explains. I was way too oblivious to even consider any of this when he mentioned it. Anyways, as soon as I walked through the door, Mario and Peach's conversation stopped suddenly. I didn't look Mario in the eye, nor Peach, I just walked down the hall and shut my door.

I heard the sound of the front door closing, meaning Peach most likely went home. I then heard footsteps walking down the hall, I was in no mood to speak to Mario. But of course, he knocks on my door anyways.

"Luigi? I know you're in there. Open the door." He says from the other side of the oak door. I rubbed my temples and decided to just get this over with. Before I could even get to the door, he already invites himself in. Okay, come on in, dear brother... He closed my door, and then walked over to where I sat at my desk. He sat on my bed as I continued my drawing I longed to finish. He heaved a sigh, "Luigi, how did it go," he tells me, "What did Doc say?" I froze suddenly, dropping my pencil, I stared at the wall in front of me. I must've zoned out or something because Mario's fingers were in my face before I knew it. I came back to earth, when he said, "Hey, you okay?" I looked down at the drawing, it was the picture I should've finished months ago; the picture of Socko and our friends. I didn't say anything to Mario, and I was too ashamed to tell him. Mario set a hand in my shoulder, "What did he say?"

I finally spoke up, "He said I have anxiety." I said it in a way I didn't mean for it to come out. I actually said it with an ashamed tone. Mario gripped my shoulder tighter, and he shook his head. I started to get something out of my pocket when he spoke,

"Is that all? Luigi, why are you looking at it like it's something much worse. Trust me, bro, I know what anxiety feels like." I looked at him quickly, with a surprised look,

"What nonsense are you saying now?" I remark snidely, the fear in my eyes was visible and Mario seemed to have noticed.

"It isn't "nonsense", Luigi," Mario air quoted, "It's the truth. I have anxiety issues of my own. More or less on the emotional and mental side of the matter." He explains, "It is more of social anxiety. I also kind of had a feeling you would develop it sometime this year."

"You predicted I would get anxiety?" I ask, Mario took his hand off my shoulder, with a shake of his head,

"No, I just kind of knew some point you'd get something. I always knew there was something wrong."

"How?" I ask, feeling forlorn.

"For one, it wasn't just this year, bro. It's been for years that this has been going on, you most likely haven't noticed it but I have." The fear never left my face, what could it mean? I pulled something, a bottle, out of my back pocket. I showed it to my brother,

"Doc says I have to take these everyday, regardless if I have an attack or not. It supposedly helps stabilize me or something." I handed them to Mario, and he turned them around in his hand, he then looked at me,

"Do you know what these are, Luigi?" He asks, I shake my head, "It's Xanax; which can help control someone's mental stability and calm someone down to a certain degree.. This where I'd like to thank my degree in Med. School." I rolled my eyes,

"God, do I need anymore pills?" I was already taking antidepressants for mental stability. But I haven't taken them in a while because they were for depression. I was getting better, the only down side to taking them is they put me to sleep for a good six hours.

_"People are people and sometimes we change our minds but it's killing me to see you go after all this time. "_

Then my normal body clock takes over each time because it's usually far past midnight after they wear off. I realized Mario was trying to get my attention again, I looked at him,

"I know it sucks, Luigi, but if it will help you then, you might as well take 'em. You don't really have an option anyways." He tried to lighten the mood a little with the last sentence. Meaning that he'll be there to remind me if I don't take them, which can get very annoying. I get that he'd my older brother and is trying to help, but still... I felt tears weld up in my eyes, and tried to hold them back. "Why do I feel like there's something you're not telling me?" Mario says, noticing my sudden change in mood. I shrugged, and shivered after a slight chill breezed through me.

"There's nothing else to tell." I say honestly,

"Then what's bothering you? Luigi, what's holding you back?" I felt a tear escape and drop down to my cheek, I looked out the window behind Mario. Mario turned my head back to him,

"Ho- how do I stop?" I ask, wiping stray tear away,

"_Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm..." _

"Stop what? Attacks?" Mario's eyes never gave up their hardness, his eyes looked hard all the time. They never really were mean looking unless someone actually made him mad but they always had a grip in them. They were always serious looking for the majority of the day." I shrugged again, confused as to what was even going on. I started to feel nervous, as if waiting for some type of explosion to happen. There was a bitter silence, then Mario spoke, "Luigi, this may seem a bit redundant to ask but, do you know what anxiety truly is?" I shook my head, I had an idea of what it was (most people do) but then someone gives you the full 411. "Anxiety is something most people are confused about. People often define incorrectly. Anxiety isn't worrying over an event or getting overly stressed about school, it is like having an overbearing fear or worry that makes you feel nervous. It is having something that never really leaves your brain or mind and it makes you freak out. All together, it is a fear or worry-some matter that someone has consistently and they have no way of coping with it so...They freak out. " I swear to God Mario is like a walking dictionary.

"Oh." I said, too distracted by my thoughts.

"_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie, it's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see. 'Cause it's tragedy and it will only bring you down, now I don't what to be without you around." _

"What you can do is just take it one day at a time, Luigi. If you do freak out, then just take deep breathes and try to calm down. Most likely what you're worrying about is smaller than you're making out to be. There are some cases where you can't control the attack, and it was to be forced to calm down by medication." Gee, _that__'s _pleasant, bro. I rubbed my hands together as I continued to stare out the window again. Mario snapped his fingers again in my face, I turned my attention back to him. "Luigi, something is drawing you're attention away from me, and it's surely not the window. What's wrong?" I shrugged and realized I was doing that a lot. Mario rolled his eyes, "Moving on. People with anxiety have a "symptom" or signs before an attack. Do you know what you do?" He asks,

"I fidget, stutter and run my fingers through my hair. The room becomes really hot, and I can't think straight. I really just shake a lot." I say, surprised at how open I was to admitting that. Mario bit his lip and nodded,

"I always notice the fidgeting and stuttering but, I can with help that." Mario leans back on my bed and runs his finger through his hair. "Oh, one thing I forgot to ask; do you think you know how this came about?" I thought about it for a second, _did _I know how I got anxiety? I tried my best answer,

"I think...Maybe...I- uh, no. I don't." I started to stutter, not because of anxiety but because I was nervous for some reason. Mario sat back up,

"You know what I think happened?" He says, I shook my head, "I think because of what happened over the past two years and everything else in your life, the pressure became too much. Socko, gymnastics, school, work, and other irrelevant things. I think you doubt yourself too quickly, and you don't try as hard as you're capable of." He explains, "I truly think the main cause was Socko, I really tried understand, Luigi. I did, but I can't help you if you shut me out. You couldn't stand the thought of Socko dead, and being alone so, you began to freak out a lot."

_"And we know it's never simple never easy, never a clean break. No one here to save me, you're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. "_

"Well, I shut everyone out, so don't take it personally." I mutter, Mario nodded slightly,

"I know, and that's a bad habit, bro. Your whole life is consumed in fear, and the only way to get rid of it is taking it out on yourself. You're not only hurting yourself, but you're the people around you, Luigi." I looked at him confused,

"How in the hell am I hurting others? I am protecting them!" I began to shout, Mario set his hand on my shoulder again with a tight grip,

"No, Luigi. You're shutting them out because of fear. They're not afraid of you, they want to help. Me, Peach, Daisy and maybe even Toad and Yoshi. We just want you to be yourself again." Mario cracked a little smile at the last part, he then spoke softly, "Are you really going to let fear control you and your life?" I shrugged yet again, clueless. He seemed to have noticed that this is not the real problem. He waited for my actual response.

"I don't know, Mario... For the longest time, I really thought something was wrong with me." Then something changed in Mario's eyes; they softened. He started to rub my back, just like when we were little and when I had nightmares.

"Luigi, there's nothing wrong with you. I know many people who go through the same thing as you. They have been through the same type of things, same medication even. You're not alone. You'll be fine." He pulled me into a hug, and patted my back. As he got up I said,

"Mario?" He looked back,

"Hmm?"

"Can we keep this between us? I don't want anyone else to know." I say brittle. Mario can back over,

"Luigi, they're going to know eventually." He starts, I shook my head rapidly,

"No. They won't. Not if I can control it."

"You're not hibernating up in here, not again."

"Who said anything about that? I'm just good at hiding things, Mario, is all." He gave me a serious look,

"Why do you want to hide this from everyone? It's not a disease."

"_And I can't breathe, without you but I have to, breathe. Without you but I have to." _

"Mario! Do you not understand?" I began to become frustrated,

"Stop yelling, Luigi. What are you so afraid of? Their opinions? Luigi, they're not going to make fun of you." Everyone says that until it actually happens... Mario sighed and walked out the door.

_Next Day_

I had forgotten that we had a soccer tournament that Friday, and being the worry-freak I am, had to start worrying. I normally don't get nervous over games or whatever we're doing, but this time it was different. This time we _had _to have Jock Goldmen and his Merry Band of Asses playing. Jock and his little friends don't usually play, but we had an uneven number of players this time. They were a very last resort and it came to that. I couldn't help but freak out even more because I had to play defense on his team for it to be even. This of course pissed me off so, I tried to make Coach switch me with someone else,

"Why did you put me on Jock's team, Coach?" I said, following him around the field, he didn't look up from his clip board,

"We have to have an even number of players, Hamilton." All coaches call me by my last name in case you're confused.

"I can't be on his team. Period." I say firmly, Coach looked up from his clip board finally,

"It's one match, Luigi, you'll be fine." He says in his infamous raucous voice. I groaned, realizing that he's not going to budge, I made my way back to the bleachers but was stopped by Alex, one of the Asses, came up to me.

"So, Hammy, you're on our team? Jock says not to screw it up or he'll kick your ass." I rolled my eyes,

"Whatever, Alex. Go away." I say, feeling an increase in temperature, and felt the palms of my hands sweat. My hands started to shake, I tried to calm myself down, but Alex went on,

"By the way, where's your buddy? Haven't seen him around much, huh?" Was he being serious? Are you kidding me right now? I tried to walk away from him, my arms hugging myself, my breathing became a bit uneven. I tried to resist the urge to freak out even more but, I stopped suddenly as he shouted, "Where's Socko?" He had done it. Oh, he just had to. Something inside me snapped as a walked back into the locker room, passing anyone who tried to stop me. I used the walls for support as I sat down on the bench between the lockers. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling myself become warmer. I heard someone call my name, but I didn't respond. Anxious thoughts wouldn't leave my head, _you'll never be free, what a fool you were! You'll never escape the storm that rages deep within. It will get worse, you're going to suffer... _I heard the same voice call me again, I still didn't answer. My breathing became heavy, I started to shake more and I began to fidget. I saw Mario come into view, he noticed my sudden change in behavior. He looked back to make sure no one was there, then he came towards me,

"What happened back there? Why are you so tense?" He noticed me shaking hands,

_"Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt. Every little bump in the road, I've tried to swerve. People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out and nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout."_

"Leave me alone." I say hoarsely, trying to contain myself, _calm yourself. Control yourself. Don't feel. _It repeatedly said in my head, but it just became worse, I jumped a little every few seconds, I had no idea what was happening. I saw Mario kneel down to my height because I was sitting on the bench. I didn't say anything else though,

"Hey are you even listening to me?" He says, flicking my knee, then noticing the trembling that wouldn't stop. He placed his hand on my knee and tried to make it stop shaking. As he let go, my knee began to shake again. "Calm down." My eyes were wide in fear, Mario put his hands on my shoulders, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Take it easy, Luigi. Deep breathes remember?"

I barely remember any of it but I knew Mario spent at least five minutes trying to calm me down, once I was calm enough, the questions began.

"You okay?" He asks for the millionth time, I nodded, I still was shaky and a bit warm but my breathing a slower.

"Yeah." I said, too tired to say anything else.

"What happened? What brought this up?" He says, now sitting next to me on the bench.

"Alex was talking to me-

"Why would you listen to Alex?" Mario interrupted.

"_Anyways_, he started to talk about the tournament and me being on his team. He said that if I don't play well, then Jock will kick my ass. That's not what freaked me out though, he "wondered" where Socko was. He kept asking and I didn't know if he was joking or not, so, I just left. I told him to go away but he didn't listen, he just went on." Mario thought about it for a second then said,

"So, you freaked out because he talked about Socko?" I started worry more, Mario suddenly grabbed my hands, "Stop that! You'll make yourself bleed!" He pulled my hands away from my arms, I didn't even notice that my nails were digging into my skin. I tried so hard to calm down, but I couldn't stop. I didn't know why. There was silence then Mario spoke up, this time his voice was calmer, "Did you even know you were doing that?" I shook my head, Mario sat back slightly, trying to think this through, "Luigi. Are you even aware of your surroundings right now?"

"No. Not really why? Am I supposed to? Is that some type of-

"Luigi! Quit rambling on and listen to me, what's the last thing you remember?" His voice became calmer by the time he finished his sentence.

"When Alex talked to me and I walked into the locker room, I knew I was freaking out... That's all I remember." Mario gave me a confused look,

"Huh, you seem to somewhat zone out during an attack, did you know that? It's quite obvious you know?" He questions, I shook my head again,

"No, I didn't know that."

_"And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. And I can't breathe, without you but I have to. Breathe, without you but I have to."_

"You do. The game is starting soon. I hate to make you worry even more and trust me, I hate Jock as much as you do but, you don't have a choice." He says, I swallowed, Mario spoke again, "I can keep an eye on Jock if you want me to, if things get out of hand, I'll step in."

"No! You'll only make it worse!" I shouted, returning to the paranoid and reckless state I was previously in. Mario gripped my shoulders tight,

"Luigi, quit freaking out." Mario's voice became harder and more serious,

"I can't, I don't know _how_!" I shouted again,

"Luigi! Stop shouting!" We both heard Coach call our names, but I was in no mood to play, Mario looked at my state of panic. I was absolutely ridged, I felt like I was going to pass out. But like I was going to tell Mario that. "We have to play, there's no other way. I'll watch Jock, you'll be fine." There it was again, those stupid words, "You'll be fine." If I had a nickel every time I heard that. He rubbed my back slightly and helped me up, noticing my shaking hands, he took them in his own, "You need to calm down, bro. Can you do that? It's one game." I nodded, fearing the worst.

...

"Luigi! Focus on the damn ball!" Jock cussed in his unpleasant strident voice as we ran down the field. Every now and then I'd catch Mario's glare at Jock and then he looked at me. I refused to listen to Jock any other day but I'm not going to let the team lose just because I was being stubborn. I still wasn't one hundred percent yet, but running down the field kind of released some of the energy. I tried to keep my cool with him because if I yelled at him I knew he would deck me. When the referee finally called for "game", I was more than happy to exit. I made my way towards the bleachers where the rest of my team was sitting, I suddenly felt nauseous so, I walked over to the water fountain the other way I got a sudden migraine and my hands couldn't stop shaking. I heard a sweet voice call my name, it was Daisy's. I still had a foreboding feeling that I was going to explode or something. Almost like it was an impediment.

"Hi, Luigi!" She smiles, I lean against the fountain for support as I began to feel dizzy. I waved to her slightly,

"Hi, Daisy." I said anxiously,

"I just wanted to check on you, you seemed pretty ridged before... Hey, are you okay?" She stopped her sentence as she noticed me swaying back and forth. I tried my hardest to stop, and be normal again but couldn't.

"Now's not a good time, Daisy, sorry." I said, going back into the locker room. I felt a heat wave rush through me and my hands began to shake again. I seriously was convinced I was going to pass out. I heard distant voices as I sat down on the bench again. I suddenly looked up at the ceiling, then I saw icicles forming from the sides, the top, and everywhere else. How was I causing this? I knew the temperature was dropping but I still felt hot, I began to freak out even more. The icicles were sharp, large, pointy and dangerous looking. This has happened a few times in the past, but one was because I got mad and the other was a snow storm and my powers hit Peach in the head. The icicles were forming faster the more I freaked out. Which I couldn't help. My vision became blurry slightly, I heard a disembodied voice, it sounded close. I felt someone touch me, I could barely make out Mario's figure, but I knew he was there. Daisy had went to go get him...Dammit. He looked around at the ice forming around us.

"Luigi! Stop! You're freezing the room!" He says quickly, I heard the walls starting to crack. I shook and jumped and was practically hyperventilating. "Hey, you okay?" I felt my breathing become faster, my heart felt like it going a thousand miles an hour. Before I could answer my brother, the ground rushed up to me very suddenly.

...

When I opened my eyes next, it was still light out, I seemed to be somewhere else now. _Where am I? _I wondered, I then felt a hand rubbing my head gently, I saw Mario next to me. He looked absolutely exhausted but he smiled slightly at me.

"Hey, you're awake!" He says, sitting in a chair next to the bed I was apparently in. I was confused and delirious, my head was hurting and my throat felt dry. I tried to talk but instead came out in a hoarse whisper,

"What happened? Where am I?"

"You passed out in the locker room. You were having a panic attack. You're in the hospital." I gave a confused look,

"I what?" I looked around the room, it had to be at least in the evening now.

_"It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend, hope you know it's not easy for me, easy for me. It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend, I hope you know it's not easy for me. Easy for me." _

"A panic attack. They can result from a severe anxiety attack." Mario's voice was soft and calm, which is unusual.

"I had one? From what?" Mario gave me a funny look,

"You don't remember?" I shook my head, "Yes, I tried to calm you down, the walls and ceiling were literally freezing and had icicles shooting out from the sides. Daisy told me she tried to talk to you but you ran off. She went to go get me and as I walked in, I noticed the walls. You had a mild fever, I had to force it down. You were absolutely ridged. You wouldn't respond to me or listen to a word I said. Doc told me it was panic attack. That's how I knew."

"I had a panic attack?" I tried to sit up but Mario gently pushed back down,

"Woah, Luigi, take it easy. You hit your head on the bench when you fell."

"What time is it?" I ask, wincing at the sudden pain that shot through my head,

"It's five in the afternoon, you've been delirious and confused since two. Doctor Mills put you on a painkiller for your head, then after it wore off, Doc said that your body clock took over. That's why you were out for so long."

"Oh...Why did he put me on a painkiller for my head, it's just a bruise right?" I coughed slightly,

"Yes and no. When you fell, you hit it pretty hard. I was sure you'd have a very minor concussion, but that's still yet to be determined. That's what Doc is trying to do right now, he's running some tests." Mario explains, looking at my head. He adjusted my blankets and told me, "Honestly, this whole week you haven't looked very well. You looked pretty ill from the start. It is possible you were already sick. Am I correct, Luigi? Were you feeling sick at all this week?"

"I guess."

"No, it's either yes or no."

"Fine, yes." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"You didn't tell me because...?" He gestured with his finger in a rolling motion,

"I seriously thought it was only for a short while, honestly, Mario." I said, starting to get my voice back. Mario seemed to have other concerns so, I tried to change the subject, "What else did Doc say?" Mario looked at the window then back at me,

"Nothing, he just said to take it easy from now on. Which I really hope you do." He sighed and leaned back in his chair more.

"It's not like I'm injured or anything. Why?" I suddenly became very tired and my eyes had a hard time staying open. Mario leaned forward and rested his arms on my bed,

"You look like you haven't slept in a week, you should get some sleep." He ruffled my hair again, "You can barely keep your eyes open." It was true, I felt drained and weak.

"I just woke up though." I say,

"You'll just be cranky later if you don't get any now." Just then, Doc walked through the door, noticing I was awake.

"Ah! You're awake! How are you feeling, Luigi?" He asks, writing something down on his clip board,

"Tired." Doctor Mills nodded,

"Normal. Majority of people who have anxiety or panic attacks feel very tired after. They can really take a lot out of you. Unfortunately, that's not the only side effect. Some can feel sick, nauseous, tired, weak, or very lousy, or even remain shaky and short tempered for the rest of the day. Sometimes it carries into the next day, too. Most people become in a bad mood after. The body was trying hard to calm itself down that it uses up all the energy so, the person feels drained after that." Mills explained, "With plenty of rest and taking the medication your psychiatric prescribed, you should be okay. Now, as for the fainting... It's rare for someone to pass out at all, they may fear that they might but the person never truly does. In your case, you seemed pretty bad off, what caused such an attack?"

"_And we know it's never simple, never easy, never a clean break. No one here to save me. oh, I can't breathe without you, but I have to. Breathe, without you but I have to, breathe without you but I have to." _

"I can't remember. Several things I guess." I shrugged,

"You can't remember? Hmm, maybe your memory is a bit off after that fall of yours. Give it time, I'm sure it will come to you. Until then, get some sleep and I recommend not being in the next tournament for a little while. Mario told me you had anxiety attack earlier that day as well. Correct me if I am wrong." I nodded, I did remember that. "And I am not just talking about soccer, I'm talking about whatever you kids do these days. Just for a little while until you know how to handle this. Until it becomes normal, you shouldn't get them every day," Doc turned his head towards Mario, "If he passes out again or feels warmer than usual, call me or your psychiatric." He handed Mario his card. Doc then walked out of the room, and I knew he wouldn't be back for a while.

"Well, you heard both of us, get some sleep. Your body needs it." I didn't hesitate, I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke the next time, I assumed it was morning. I looked around for Mario but he wasn't in the room, my throat felt dry and scratchy. It would be nice to have a clock in here at least or my phone... I sat up slightly, ignoring the pain that shot through my head. I wanted to get up and walk around but I knew I wouldn't be allowed. Just then I saw the door open and my brother stepped in. He noticed that I was awake, as he closed the door behind him, I said,

"What time is it?"

"Eleven in the morning." I wasn't too far off, "How are you feeling?" Mario came over to me and felt my head.

"Other than an a headache, I'm fine. When can I leave?" Mario crossed his arms,

"I'm estimating sometime today but, that's for Doc to decide. When I said, 'how are you feeling', I meant in here." He pointed to his head,

"I don't know. Stable? How am I supposed to answer that?" I gave a tired grin, Mario shrugged,

"I am only asking. But if you're stable, that's good enough for me." He was silent for a a split second but noticed my sudden change in behavior the next,  
>"Bro? Is something else bugging you?" I shrugged, <em>is <em>something else bothering me? I couldn't figure it out but then it donned on me,

"Yeah, in a way," Mario waited for my full reply, "I still feel like there's something wrong with me..." My voice trailed off after I saw Mario's eyes close for a second. He seemed to be disappointed in a way,

"Luigi? I'm only saying this one more time so, hear me out," He sighs, "There is _nothing _wrong with you. Nothing we cannot handle. Together." He emphasized "together", I looked off to my side at the window where the sun was now nearly over the tall buildings it once outlined. "Why do you keep assuming that? What is it going to take to get that through your head?" Mario's eyes became serious and cold looking. He didn't look angry or mad, maybe just frustrated? I then spoke up,

"Mario?" I spoke in a low voice, feeling a gut wrenching ping of guilt,

"What?" He says a little too fast,

"Do you think Socko is happy?" My question seemed to have caught him by surprise, he turned to me from the window, he sat down on the edge of my bed and sighed again,

"In what way, bro?" His voice returned to the soft, calm sound it lost not even a few seconds ago. For some reason ever since Socko died, Mario's voice had that strange sadness to it. It always sounded calm, protective, and soothing; which he used rarely nowadays. He became very gentle because he knew how much I struggled with his death. He knew hated talking about it or Socko at all,

"I mean, do you think he's happy where he is?" I rephrased, regarding to Heaven but I knew Socko would never go to Hell because he was just too nice for his own good. Mario's head lowered a little,

"I guaranteed, Luigi. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, I just feel like he's not safe or something..." I lied, Mario seemed to have notice this right away,

"Luigi, you need to be honest with me from here on out. Why did you ask?" His voice became stern and hard again,

"While I was passed out he...Visited me in my dreams I guess you could say." It sounded strange even saying it,

"What?" Mario's face contorted into confusion,

"He talked to me, told me to be careful and after that he was gone." Mario glared out the window for a second,

"I'm sure it was just an hallucination, bro."

"I saw him, Mario!" I yelled, Mario's face turned frustrated,

"Luigi, there's no need to yell, this stuff happens all the time with people." The heart monitor next to me slowly began to rise and Mario began to notice. He placed a hand on my shoulder as he watched the heart monitor go down again. "Calm down...There you go." I had sometimes forgotten that my body can't handle the extra stress I carry around these days. I had suddenly became tired, even after a few minutes. When the doctor came back in, the last thing I heard was,

"Small-scale anxiety attack."

...

When I woke again, I saw Mario looking over me, he hadn't looked like he'd slept in days. It made me feel a little guilty that he'd been here the whole time and he really didn't sleep because he was too busy worrying about me. Mario looked like he was on the edge of falling out of the chair he's in.

_"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." _

"Hey." I say, Mario gives a small smile

"Hey." he says back, rubbing his eyes, "Doc said you can go home today, the so-called concussion is a bruise. I guess I was wrong," He gave half-hearted chuckle. "He mentioned that you should really start breathing deeper, he said it's part of the reason why you panicked the way you did...I still have to fill out the forms to check you out but until then, you should probably eat something." Mario turned away and then glanced at me while holding out a granola bar. I took it from him, realizing how hungry I am as I stared at it.

"Thanks." I say quietly, Mario stared at his shoes as he told,

"This leads back to our conversation a few days ago, Luigi. A lot of times anxiety can develop from grief, and the sadness you've been feeling most likely triggered it." Mario's voice sounded different then. His voice didn't usually carry the melancholy it has right now. I couldn't tell if he's just too tired or if he's actually feeling that way. Almost as if he's feeling the grief I have, it's a weird way of putting it but it makes sense.

"What do you mean?" I ask, unsure of where he's going with this.

"Some say that grief comes in five stages," he explains, "Everyone's different, I've noticed over the years how yours is. First comes denial, then anger, sadness and depression, but you've always turned out alright in the end." Mario gave a sad smile,

"Oh." I wasn't sure of what to say. How are you supposed to respond to that?

* * *

><p><strong>*Finally ends first chapter three plus months later after starting story* <strong>

**Yes, the title comes from a Taylor Swift song of the same name. It makes me think about Socko and Luigi's relationship all the time. **

***Just in case you randomly clicked on this story here are some helpful notes to understand better: (And didn't bother to read the note at the top of the story) **

_**Who's Socko? - **_**Socko Martin****ez is my OC in the Mario universe. I created him for Luigi because I felt he needed a "blood brother". Socko, 26, is a gymnast along with Luigi who trains at Clif Gymnastics. He's sarcastic, Australian and can't stop making jokes to save a life. He dies on September 2 at exactly 3:59 p.m and Luigi was there to witness the whole thing. If that's not bad enough, the gun was originally pointed at Luigi but Socko pushed him out of the way. **

_**How does he die and what happened?-**_**Socko dies protecting Luigi from a gunshot that was originally intended to be at him, now Luigi carries the guilt that "it should've been me" and wrestles with the grief and devastation of losing him. The bullet was lodged in Socko's chest, causing a heart failure and by the time the ambulance got there it was too late.  
><strong>

**Now that Socko is gone, Luigi fights to keep his anxiety from spiking to new levels. Depressed and practically traumatized by the loss, his biggest fear is losing someone else he loves. **


End file.
